Why are some years are easier than others? This is not an easy year.
Nostalgia and remembrance come from places that always surprise me.
April has been a difficult month since 1979 - the year my dad died of a massive heart attack and stroke.
Jean
Jeannie waited until she was sure that it was the exact same day that dad passed or as she asked me everyday the week before she passed "Is it daddy's day yet?" She did drama so well - right down to the last minute. As she moved between worlds, she had active conversations, negotiating how she could stay and not leave right until the last second. I remember asking her who she was with and talking with. She mentioned the family members of which had many already passed, and then said Elvis was there. Loved it - Elvis - go figure. Our spirits can figure things out, but there is a point when our bodies can no longer hang on. Jean's body had deteriorated to a place where it was simply not possible for her to stay. Cancer - a horrific process.
I keep thinking how she would have so loved Blaise. I often tell him that she would have "ruined" him:)
They would have loved doing all the things that little boys love - belching, swearing, sticking out there tongues covered with food, being obnoxious, making fun of his mom... one of Jean's favorite things to do. She often would say to me "You are one of the most stupid smart people I know..." sigh sisters speaking harsh realities.
She would have added so much to his life, been a confidant and guide. Life would indeed have been/be different with her here.
Life changed after she left - in every way.
Louis James
Dad would have loved Blaise. They would have built things and I often fantasize about how Blaise would have learned to love the outdoors with his Grandpa Jim. Dad always wanted a boy:) Instead e designated me as his "son".
I always miss him and the smell of his cigar and how he took care of me. Silly things - Registering and inspecting my car while I was living in another state - delivering my sewing machine in the middle of a blizzard simply because he said he would do it that day. He loved painting, eating, being outdoors in nature and most of all, he loved his family and accepted each person for who they were.
